Currently Introducing By Foxy Shazam Yes! Yes! Yes! see related

I am Human

And that pisses me off in every since of the way.

I flow past things, and ignore people, human...
I want something, and once I relize I can't have it,
I move on. I find something new to want, human.
I can fall for someone, and a month later,
I'll want something new, human.

Goddamnit.

-GoD-

Currently Listening letting off the Happiness By Bright Eyes If Winter Ends see related

If Only I could say this

You know, its funny.
I've always been one to think that realationships are a waste.
Then again I will say yes to someone I like who asks.
So I've dated three girls and four boys,
But never in my life asked anyone out.
Why promt waste?

But boy, has anyone ever told you
You are one hell of a tease.
You are an amazing friend
And drive me crazy in all the best ways.
I admire your drive/hope/belief in something better,
And your understandable concept on life.
To this day it amazes me that you even try to reason,
With my brutal self created reality....

All in all when it comes down to it
Having you Kyle and Rev as friends,
Is one of the best things to happen to me
So its as simple as saying no.
I'm confused by you,
I'm amazed by you,
Boy you drive me crazy.

But I'm strong,
I just want a conclusion...

Currently Listening Digital Ash in a Digital Urn By Bright Eyes see related

Gobstopers, Dr.Pepper, and Camels

Smile before you explode.

Coming from you...
That means I must sound really fucked

It could.
It could mean I want you to smile.
It could mean you're going to explode physically and I want your last moment to be happy.
It could mean you're going to explode emotionally and if I tell you to smile before that it might make the explosion easier to clean up after.
It could mean nothing.

It could.

Mystery.
What it could mean,
What it could mean,
What it could mean,
What it doesn't mean.

Nothing is ever clear with me my friend.
Many a words go unspoken, many events fade, many days go by where I hate everything around me.
I find the same often happens with you, or at least appears to.

Finding something to smile about helps me.
It's fucking gay.

Smile, smile, smile.
Its one thing, trying to keep it on.
Keep it from being torn off of you,
Like an article of clothing too worn down.
I can smile, but to actually smile..
Its not a sticker, you can't just be better,
Better, thats all it is anyway, to be better.
Better then you were moments before,
Thats all a smile is..

To be better is to be satisfied with being different.
That's all.
Nothing is better to me.
Finding something to smile about isn't finding something to wear and pretend with. Or take shitty generic advice.
Finding something to smile about is finding something that keeps your monster content for a minute or two. You don't have to move a muscle.

My monster.
My monster, is everywhere.
My monster is strangling me.
Laughing right now.
Pulling me in every direction I don't want to go.
Ripping my skin from my face and wearing it as a mask.
Letting go of everything I'm trying to keep hold of.
Laughing. Laughing. Laughing..

Invisible Monsters my friend. They're always physically ripping your brain apart. It hurts to feel them. To acknowledge them.
Everything, it hurts.
Nothing helps.
Nothing ever will help?

I wouldn't say that.
But its always those things that will help
The things that can help
They're the hardest to find
The hardest to get a hold of.
Thats what this all is anyway.
A tease, your shown what can help
Then its pulled from under you,
Ripped from your palms, with the flesh still atached
So as you go to latch onto something else to help you stand
Its more painful then ever.
A tease, a game
A game you can't win.

Currently Listening Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy By Mindless Self Indulgence see related

Ummmmmh.

I guess it's been a while.

A lot has happened,

Kept me very busy.

Josh moved in

And then as if in mockery..

Justin moved in

And got his mom to pre-pay rent

Making Josh look bad,

Because he didn't

Then Justin brought his Truck

Josh doesn't have a vehicle

It doesn't really concern my mom

That Justin doesn't have a Job,

Josh does..

I dunno, its been real stressful....

-GoD, A sign of Human Waste

Currently Watching Garden State By Zach Braff, Christopher Carley, Amy Ferguson, Jill Flint, Gary Gilbert see related

To Pass Time

I think its becoming

Habituary again....

Not sleeping, but that...

Comes with the territory,

So to speak.. You need a relaxed

Environment....or at least a relaxed

Mind to sleep, or even consider

Sleep as an option.

Theres been more argueing....

Between me and Dustin

He's taking advantage of...

The situation, and need I say, mom

Its agrivating, and I've stood up to him.

And told him the bullshit he's been pulling.

But he doesn't see it, or he pretends not to.

So now i have even less of a reason to

Come home every day.... Or at any cost

Enjoy my time at home.....

And to top things off I'm going

To the doctor at 3pm today....

I need the headache meds, but....

I'm tired of being asked

"Have you had sex?"

As soon as I walk in, and

" Are you sure you haven't had sex?"

Then last of all, the well known....

"Would you like me to ask your mom

To step out of the room for a second?"

This woman is convinced that I'm

Sexually active.. and have been for the last...

3 years at the least....

It doesn't help either that... my mom

Seems to be falling back under Ian's

Sweetheart lie.... even though she knows

He's still leaving.... I just wish she could....

Not love him as much, so that the part

Is easier on her.....

-GoD, a sign of Human Waste